Monday, October 17, 2011

Compassion & Curiosity

I’ve been back in the classroom full time in the past month. It’s just a temporary stint while hiring is finished, then I’ll return to the peace and quiet of substitute teaching. It’s been a while for me, having been in Vancouver last winter with my partner during her bone-marrow transplant. I was nervous about returning to the classroom full time because I feel I still have dribs and drabs of last year’s stress clinging to me like Kleenex bits to a hastily-shaved chin. I don’t have my usual reserves of energy or resiliency and so it has taken a great deal of self-monitoring to make sure I keep my balance. I talk to myself a lot (mostly silently, I think). I remind myself that the occasional emotional reaction I feel to something is quite likely disproportionate or perhaps completely misplaced, due to residual stress. I’m pretty good at self-talk, if I do say so myself. Of course, I’ve had over 40 years to practice.

I wonder how that is for kids. I can’t be the only one carrying emotional baggage into the classroom, now can I?

Last weekend, my partner witnessed a rather disturbing family interaction in our little community, involving one of the children in the classroom I am working in right now. Knowing the story, I watched that student closely on Monday morning and gave her a little extra attention.

But more importantly, I looked around the room and thought about the other kids who had less than happy weekends. Certainly, others came in dragging bags as well. I have learned some strategies along the way so that I am not constantly overwhelmed by what I might be dragging around on any given day. Sadly, some kids get lots of practice, but not necessarily any good coaching. The little girl I observed on Monday morning was the same positive and cooperative girl she always is. How deeply has she internalized negative messages and used them to push herself to be “better”?

Every child needs unconditional acceptance and compassion – regardless of whether we are privy to their particular burdens or not. And, regardless of their behaviour. Affirming a student as a person can be done even in the midst of correcting an ineffective behaviour. All the sluggishness, detachment, and defiance that we may encounter in the classroom, comes from somewhere.

Compassion and curiosity. That’s what I’m thinking about today.


Monica is the author of "Thanks for chucking that at the wall instead of me."