The problem isn't so much that I'm dealing with temporary multiple personalities; the problem is trying to guess which one is gonna crawl out of bed every morning. And believe me, it's as much a surprise to me as it is to my increasingly nervous partner. I have found ways to live with Itchy, Bitchy, Sweaty, Sleepy, Bloated, Forgetful and Psycho (although I'd prefer to call her something else - maybe She Who Must Not Be Named.) All of these things are livable. It's the combined effects and the unpredictability that get ya.
If I could get up in the morning and find a little note on my bedside table letting me know who's in charge each day, that would be very helpful.
Dear Mon, It is I, Bloated. Don't even try the green slacks - you'll just feel bad. Have a great day.
Or, maybe this:
Dear Mon, If you didn't make a list yesterday, you may as well cancel today. Stay in bed. Love, Forgetful.
Or:
Dear Mon, Itchy and Sweaty here. Just wanted to let you know that whatever you choose to wear today will be unbearable by 1:00 pm. Love you!
And if it's You Know Who, there'd just be a dead rodent or something. Not pleasant, but at least I'd know. Sometimes I don't know it's her until I find myself yelling at the shower for being too wet.
The good news is; today, I am free to be. I am wearing my witch hat as I type this and I look forward to a day of guilt-free witching. I think I'll start by pretending the vacuum is broken. Then, I'll lie and say some kids told me they are coming to trick or treat tonight and I'll go buy candy. Then I'll eat it. (There are no kids - I live on the dark side of the moon.)
However you spend your day today, remember: It's Halloween! Embrace your inner witch!
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